a talk in the upper room

Earl and I found ourselves in a conversation one night a little while ago. It was February 26th actually and there was a little rethinking that needed to be hashed out. In addition to other topics such as counseling and friends, and the need to just talk thinks out, i just started talking about what has been going on and Earl became what I needed. He listened. He let me talk and he said things back to me that needed to be said and in general just listened.


I have used the phrase over and over again, "I just don't feel myself." I use this to describe France, I use this to describe the last few months of being home, I have used this everywhere. I was trying to get back for so long to a place I was to the person I was before I left for France, last summer... "But Hunter," I felt like the Lord said " that isn't the point". So what is? Yet another quote from the journal, "The point is that you are becoming someone new. There is no turning back, there is no going back to the old Hunter, he won't/doesn't exist anymore." At that point in the upper room with Earl there was a little bit of hope that came into my heart. Hope that I hadn't experienced in a while. So I am not scared anymore, in fact I am pretty excited. I still don't know what any of this is going to be like, I see some of the person Jesus is making me to be, come through, it is a little scary. But I do feel less scared, less of a need to be in control. It is going to be different. I feel lighter, more free, and I think that this is more Jesus than I have experienced in a while.