So I am starting this as I do many a thing in my life, to battle something else. Running to combat laziness, college to make sure my head doesn't turn to mush, biking to reduce waste, but this time it is a blog to war against my tendency to isolate myself. I've got this problem, well these problems, but one of them is that when I am not the upbeat person I want to be, I hide and try to hunker down until the dark cloud of Hunter's moodiness and self-improvement rolls over.
This time, the cloud has stayed for a little longer than usual and so me isolating myself has turned into not knowing how to interact with people. I am constantly wanting friends and people to ask the right questions, to say the right things and in general know exactly what I need as I go through this time, rather unrealistic to be honest. Five months of this mentality and isolation has left me a little worse than when I started, but it isn't over and I am not ready just yet to give up.
At the risk of being hoest, at the risk of bearing all the raw emotion and frustration I have had, at the risk of being known for who I really am, this blog is going to happen. Like a friend in France said to me, " Tu dois oser." (You have to dare)
1 comment:
I agree. You have to dare. And you have to risk knowing all the while that when you do, hope will either sustain you or disappoint you.
One question to ask, though it might not be the right one, is this: Is hope an illusion, a trick the mind plays on the heart? or does the heart fool the mind with fleeting sensations? Then again, is hope like Paul reckoned it to be?
If you are blown by the wind and filled by a strength not your own, hope gives witness to the glory of God. And when we participate in the divine nature the evils of this life are not worth comparing to the painful revelry of what follows - the sharing of his suffering, that process of breaking and seeking and forgiving that allows us to glimpse the frailty and the valor of being spirits in a world of flesh and bone.
If not, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians, If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
Tu dois oser. Hope for what you do not already have and wait for it patiently.
Your willingness to battle is contagious.
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